New Years Resolutions 3 of 4

Happy 2009 all! Here's to humanity, 3 of 4....
Looking forward to the new year, the many adventures and much love it brings. This year I pledge to seriously do my part...I think if more par took in this, our world might be a better place. I do however, promise not to preach,only to share with you my many adventures and misunderstandings that may happen along the way. My deepest wish is for world unity, and the only way that will happen is if first more communities learn to compromise, and grow. Not just in population, but wisdom. If we put our thoughts out there, at least it might be heard. So this year I plan to become more involved in my community. Whether it be with volunteering, attending meetings, part taking in committees, or just plan giving a darn about the next person by being respectful and caring. I also think it is important to be involved with our government, to write legislators and law makers, to try to be heard. Changes can only be made in our favor if the powers at be know what we expect. (or at least I'd like to think so) I double do dare others to do the same :D lol Peace out, see ya next year ay!

Part 2 of 4: New Years Resolutions

Well, I was p'd off enough today to put the rest of the fence up. Yeah, but, o' my poor shoes. The darn pups ate my new Keene's.(a really sweet recycled hiking shoe/boot, like Columbia) At least I can still wear them, I just need new laces. On to part 2, Exercise. I have always been hyper, and very active (it could be the ADHD), and love to be outside. I have slacked badly since peanut was born. Since she is old enough this year, it makes it much easier for us (mt man and I) to go out and do the things we so love. We used to camp, canoe, hike, or fish everyday of the spring, summer, and fall; sometimes all three. In the winter we used to snowshoe, or I would go out boarding. In the past 2 years we have done absolutely nothing. This has played a big part on both of our mental status's. So off to the exercising.....

I am starting a snowshoe club at work for the health and wellness committee. This is to help fellow employees to become more active, be in shape, and get healthy. I love it, I get to be outside every Tuesday from the 20th of January until the snow melts or spring break. (whatever comes first.) There is also a local ski hill that has $5 lift ticket specials on Wednesday nights, so I plan to hit that up a few times. As soon as the snow melts I am ready to camp, all they supplies are organized and ready to grab. Conveniently enough, they have their own closet in the breezeway so we can grab and go. My gal pal ~E~ and I are already planning on getting in a lot of fishing this summer, and I plan to start a hiking club for the summer also. Now only if I can just stop drinking soda, and start drinking more water. Everything in moderation....I don't want to do on a diet, but I do need to lose a few pounds or get in shape. Actually both need to be done, but if I can eat healthier, and stay active then the weight will go. (darn prego fat won't go away) lol! If I am still smoking when the snow melts, then off too running. I hate running, tried it last year and failed miserably, but I hate smoking even more. Plus, peanut needs me around later in life. So there is this annual race I might run.....ooooooo it will hurt, but I will be able to breath later in life. Wish me luck! (part 3 tomorrow)

Part 1 of 4: New Years Resolutions

So normally I am completly against resolutions, but in light of recent events they might be necassary. So here is Part 1 of 4.

So those two pups in the picture above are my two buddies. They are chowadores, Chow like 30% and 70% black lab. Dahlia looks more like a golden lab, and Lupus is totally a black lab. They are about 7 months old, and full of life. Over the summer the two found a pair of deer sheds, not too shabby. I totally plan to take them elk shed hunting, but first I have to get them out of control. I a previous post, Dahlia ran away and came home. This is because snow built up and she jumped her fence. This would not have happened had the fence been finished, so by thursday I will be finishing the second half. I just wish I would have had this motivation when it was warm, because it is soooooo cold out now. I am also currently working on leash training them. This is an adventure in itself, have you ever tried to walk two dogs at once? Not easy, especially with a 2 yr old running around. I am also considering obediance classes for them, this way they will hopfully listen instead of look at me and run the other way. I think if I succeed at this, I will be able to take them out by march to continue with their training. Eventurally my goal is to have them trained like our old doggy bear. He did a 10 mile hike with us without a leash, and we could take him anywhere. Let's not forget though how he cost us about a dollar a day on average for chicken nuggets. Hey we didn't have a kid then, and we spoiled him like he was one. Anyway, back to the two pups, hopefully my plan will work. I despertly need to go play outside. That is why I have them, my personal protection in the woods. :) Plus, I so could use the exercise....that is for Part 2 though!

Finding my peace

So in light of the holiday spirit, the inner peace that I so despertly have seeked seemed to find me. I think! Mt.Man and I have been dealing with some issues. Pretty much it started before we married. We had been together for a few years, cohabitating together, and the pressure was on by my polish catholic family. So in a dentist induced "feel good" he proposed.(no ring, just got down on one knee....) Well, needless to say it may have not been the right time....but heck almost 3 years now and at least we still love eachother enough to try. We were stupid, bought a house the same month we got married, bought a jeep two days after the honeymoon, and found out we were prego three days after we moved in. So much for "not being able" to have kids. Heck I found out two weeks before the wedding my cancer came back. Off to kemo for me that fall. Well, needless to say we were stressed. Well, I was, mt man handled it just like everything else...life goes on. He had a point it did, but there was something missing, things changed big time, life hit me. I kept thinking about all the what if's, should the unspeakalbe happen we were no where near being okay. I remember a fight with him....me: "what do you mean we don't need life insurance" him: "It' a waste of money, we'll be fine" me:"f you, I'll have to put the house up for sale just to stay afloat. And what about the baby?" him: "you worry to much, it will be okay" me: "sure for you....if I DIE you are set, my policy at work covers you!" him: "don't worry" then I preceeded to ignore him for an hour b/c he didn't get it. That is actually the core of all of our fights....I worry to much, he doesn't worry ever! See his dad was never around, and the only thing the ding bat step dad did was piss him off even more...(Another story another time) So he never really had anyone to teach him to grow, this is what we had in common, even though my parents were still together, they lacked a lot of support. So moving on, Peanut was born, finances got tight, cancer was gone. I had postpartum for a year before "I" sought my own treatment, and in the mean time started a 2nd job while peanut was 3 months. ( I will let you use your imagination on how this went over). So mt man started working 2nd job so I could quit. By now I had no trust in him, he failed, and I was angry. So not only was I dealing with all the pain from my childhood, I felt like my husband was forced to marry me, we had another life to take care of, our dog ran away, and then the recession hit us hard. (I am not telling you this to feel sorry for me, I promise I have a point) Well, even though the fighting has been at a bare minimum, it doesn't mean things are okay. I think that is what he wanted...things to just go away, and move on. I have many questions of trust, secruity, love....but I do know things just don't go away, they get worse; and not b/c both parties want that, just everyone gives up. So all month I have been trying to figure out what to do...If I am going to do it all myself, then I would be happier by myself...heck I have even figured out arrangements for peanut and us, and splitting everything. See though, I can't, I love him to much. We just lost us for awhile, and after me going off on him today it might just happen. See, I will not be happy until those around me are joyful, I will not be happy if we don't plan just "a lil" for the future, w/out mt man or w/ him, I long for peace. I have longed for it as a young girl. I want the simple things in life, not a lot of stuff. It pisses me off that those closest to me don't see that. I want my home filled with laughter, learning, love. I want my husband to be a husband, i want his help in this scary world, So for christmas he gave me a printer/scanner. Not bad, but all I really wanted was a date, and for him to quit his stupid 2nd job. Life was so much better when we were both around, loving, laughing, adventuring. I told him this, I have told him since we got married, it has been in every argument, and today he got it. Today he told me we are having date night once a month, and heck, even if it took us going out once a week he would do it. For he misses "us" too, and we need to be happy so peaunut doesn't catch on! In essecnce of the title, it only took 28 years to come to terms with myself, to realize I could have a lot, but I don't want stuff, I want love. Lots of it, lots of friends, lots of smiles, lots of laughter, lots of fun, lots of helping other, lots of making a difference in our world, and lots of learning. Plus, to see him smile again and to tell me "not to worry"!

Short yet sweet

So the house is ready...well maybe there might be a kitchen full of dishes to do, and two or three baskets of clothes to fold, but otherwise not to shabby. Mt. Man and I got the main frame done for the playhouse. I have all the curtains and trim cut out, and the house is painted. I just have to finish sewing the curtains, make a few pillows, and table cover, and I am done. The rest can be snuck in later. (don't give me crap, the kid is two. I promise I will never ever procrastinate again.)Happy now! :) Anyway, I am off to bed, I have to get up and work a 'normal' day tomorrow. (damn) then last minute shop and the big bad chain store, and home. Belle and I have to make cookies, and then I have to get the house done after she goes to bed. Christmas morning is only two winks away you know.

Enjoy the picture.....It is from a dune in between lake superior, and the mouth of the two hearted river. I want my shack to be here when I finally pay my dues and escape "TO" the real world! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or what ever it is you celebrate! :)

If you don't believe in Karma....you might....

So First off, Christmas.....Well the Tree is up! Yeah!!!! The living room looks pretty sweet, and it is spotless. As for the rest of the house.....well right after I am done posting (and checking out a website ~E~ told me about) I plan to attack! I have a bunch of CRAP to take downstairs to deal with at a later date....I have a sh** load of laundry to fold, and o yes....soda cans by the computer. Mt.Man is due to arrive home around 1030pm from Job #2, and I plan to have the house finished. (well at least clean, and a bunch of crap in the basement to go through later). When he gets home we have to start the playhouse for peanut. Main design tonight....and maybe a lil sewing.

Secondly, you are probably wonder how I have managed to procrastinate so long....easy, pure laziness, and other means left unsaid. :) My Karma paid me back though... See mt. man and I were not doing so well a while ago. Then it occurred to us, we have never really been a family. Sure we are always home with peanut minus work, and the occasional grand folk stay. But since she was 3 months old we have had 2 jobs each. Poopy! I finally just walked out last new years eve, and he stayed. In the course of the year I have learned I had post partum, mild depression, adhd, and the cancer was gone. I sought help that was just as useful as a tickle.com test. I managed to sulk, willow in self pity, be vibrant to hide the truth from others....o the list goes on. Yet in all of this I failed to see what I was doing to make things worse for everyone else. Well, I have been thinking lately, (smell the smoke) and in order to be who I want to be in this world, I have to just do it! (as stated in previous posts) Things have not been working out, b/c mt man and I where too selfish. Our new years resolution to live how we dreamed of in the apt. many moons ago. That is WHY we live in the BFE! Hopefully there will be a change in the karma gods moods, and they might just bless us!

Well off to tackle the rest of the house, 2 days to go!

hummmm, If this doesn't explain the name.....

So here's the thing....I have really done it this year! I have waited until the very last minute to do everything. Think the last four weeks everyone else has had, I will be doing it in four days. Why you may ask, well laziness. No other excuse, I was feeling sorry for my pathetic butt, being completely over opinionated, and not doing anything at home. At least I had a lot of play time with peanut....which might I say is equally rewarding as having the title of "homemaker". O' my poor husband.....what did he expect from a girl who liked fishing. Anyway, back to the point....FOUR days are all I have to get ready for Christmas. So last night I ventured out to start part one....Shopping. My folks took peanut for the night, mt.man was at job #2, and I was free to go! One problem, or so. After I dropped peanut off, I realized I left the door to the wood stove open with not very much wood inside. I back tracked it to the BFE, a cool 45 min one way drive last night. (this was trip trip #2 to coming home, a cool 3 hours in the care total so far!) When I arrived home, the wood stove was barely going....woo just made it. Fired it up, SHUT THE DOOR, and back to town. (another 45 minutes) In 2.5 hours I had shopped for everyone. My list complete, that is unless you are a dumb butt and go with a friend or relative, and think of more stuff to buy. On my way home last night, I stopped at the local pub where mt.man and I work part time at. He was closing up, and my pal C was just getting cut. We had "A" beer together while my hubby finished cleaning up, and then parted for the night. O we need to hang out so badly. Today I awoke to -3 outside, bbuuuurrrrrrr! Stocked the stove, coffee'd up, and off to town I went again. This time for breakfast with the folks, a lil shopping with mom, and peanut went home with mt.man. Tonight I have successfully made my to do list, organized the gifts, wrapped a few, and went for pizza. (can you tell I loathe cooking) So wish me luck! O did I mention peanuts gift from us is a play house that we are making from sub zero fridge boxes, which we haven't started yet. All materials are purchased and ready to go though! Well I am off, will keep you posted.

Pulling it together, Passing it on, Paying it forward

Some days, like most anyone else experiences, I have a hard time pulling it together. Shoot, I am still not ready for Christmas. My tree is finally going up this weekend. There is one thing I know though, how to pull it all together. To say the least, I am a lil embarrassed. Yet, we all have them, those years when things just happen, and life is a lil harder to handle. Heck, that is why I started blogging. It was comforting to know that there where other, half doing okay moms out their. I guess I just wanted to share my stories too. Well, b/c I now have an outlet, a refuge, a sanctuary, or comfort zone, it is time to pull the rest of it together. Plus, I see an advantage here....more exciting stories to kick off my blog! Yeah, and hopefully entertain a few other 'lost' moms, or ladies out there.
It is totally time to pull it together, live the life I dreamed of, and be one with it all. So this lil hippy is gonna do it. Starting Saturday, each day I plan to wake up to enjoy life, keep things in a somewhat organized fashion, and "git r' done"! lol! :) I plan to start my Tuesday hikes for the wellness committee, I plan to get my house looking only the way I picture it in my head. (no major reconstruction, just some paint, shelves, and lil misc.) I plan to start exercising again, b/c frankly I was happier when I was healthier. I am not talking about going to the gym, I am talking about snowshoeing, hiking, becoming a master trout fisher woman (lol), snowboarding, and whatever else falls in my lap. It is time to start going to local meetings, and start being heard. I can continue to write to my state rep's, and make a small difference. And I can hang out with peanut, and mt. man. B/c they are my world. They make me want to keep experiencing life, and living it to the fullest. I want to be that mom that 'shows' her kid the way, not 'dictate' the way. Most importantly I want to have fun! I want my yard filled with flowers, and other natural beauties. I want to curse the deer b/c they ate my flowers. I also want to make people laugh, show them some humor in my ordinary eclectic life, and show how easy it is to really be simple.

My reason to continue to be adventurous

These are the Kids: Peanut on the left, Monster Man, Babe, and Princess. The last three are my lil bro's kids. All 4 are between the ages of 5 months to 4 years. When the 3 oldest kids are here we never have a dull moment. When princess spends the night, we take her fishing, catch frogs, look for birds, and have picnics. She loves it. When Monster Man is over we go on hikes, to the lake to catch tad poles, and picnics. I can not wait until this coming summer though...I have been planning scavenger hunts, fishing trips, flower picking, and many more adventures for 4 years now. Finally, they are old enough to do it. My lil bro thinks I am nuts, but they love that stuff...don't get me wrong they love the park like every other child, but they also love just being outside. Why not let them do it all, and experience as much as they can. Princess still talks about the frog that jumped out of the bucket and escaped, and how we caught another one, and he escaped from the bucket twice while we were driving. Had to stop both times, and both girls were laughing hysterically! Those are memories that can't be replaced.

The Bus..How it won my Heart :)

Many, Many Moons ago there was a Bus! The magic bus, many a called it. This was Mt.Man's up until about 4 1/2 years ago. (He sold it to the bro-inlaw, and his buddies). But first, Mt.Man bought this gem for a mere grand about 10 years ago...b/c it was cool! When I meet him 7 years ago he was in the process of "fixing"it up. I am not kidding you this man loved the thing. He put tongue and grove walls, had a flip-down bed in a private room in the back, equipped with two file cabinets for drawers. He painted the ceiling rasta colors, and eventually the out side of it. When his lil bro's team went to the silver dome for football finals, he and a bunch of guys drove the thing down to cheer him on. When I meet him, him and his buddies were camping out near where we live now..the great Pigeon River Forest. But b/c of camping restrictions they had to move every 10 days. (what a PIA) We eventually moved in together, and he sold it to the lil bro. It is rumored the thing is the "party" bus now, either way I will always think of it as the magic bus. I have to admit, I think it sold me.....

Some Days

We have all had them....those days when every little thing about life bugs you! We forget that our husbands really are trying, working hard, and loving you effortlessly. On those days it is hard to remember why I put up with all the B.S.! Then I look outside, and I see this! (well almost minus peanut, and mt.man) And I think it is worth it. We almost lost our house this year. As reported in the news, Michigan has been in a recession for years now. Jobs are being lost everyday up here. It sucks! Fortunately we were able to get second jobs. It has been over 18 months since we were all home every night. Then it occurs to me, this is home, this is where I am supposed to be, this will pass. And I pray it does sooner than later. I hope that our country gets it together fast, I hope others don't have to suffer the way we have had too! All without assistance (you know the story, we are actually trying, so we make too much). I never really understood what my dad meant about "you have a roof over your head, you have clothes on your back, we have food on the table...what more do you NEED!" Well, I totally understand now, what more do I need ? Nothing really. So for Christmas this year I wish for Santa to let us quite our 2nd jobs, be a family, and start to enjoy the beauty again. We'll see, but until then, I still have my view. O' and thanks ladies for the comments, they were the sunshine of my day!
P.S. JJ I love your Pic's, too, and thanks for following. I have many more pics of the U.P. than I do anywhere else. I even camped at Lower Hurricane on my honeymoon, and on the way up I told mt.man something special was about to happen. The spirits were watching over us....9 months later peanut showed up! :)

Semi-as requested.....

On my last post, my first,(and only follower "nonna", hopefully she enjoys my blogs as much as I enjoy hers. Rock On!) said she'd like to she some pic's of up here. Well, b/c I can be a tad lazy, I have yet to develope photo's taken recently. (I know so old school) But, I hope this satisfies her tastes bud's for now....

These pic's where taken in the Pigeon River Forest. I live here, and I love it. This is pretty much why we live here! (pic's with more views to come) The Trail is the "high country trail" a 72 mile loop through 4 counties. The River is the "Pigeon River". My favorite trout stream that was recently ruined by a buddist camp. So this is pretty much my back yard. For those that can't get enough of the area check out "blogs I follow" and click on Northern Michigan Experience. The blogger is from my hometown, and she has some of the best pics of the area, or click here http://northernmichiganexperience.blogspot.com/

Weekend Reflection (Surrounded by Snow!)

(part one)This past summer, Mt.Man and I took Peanut camping for the first "real" time! We only camped a few miles from home on a lil lake, but we had a blast! She loved everything about it; roasting marshmallows and hot dogs, the campfire, fishing, sleeping in the tent (that entertained us....before she fell asleep she ran around inside and throwing herself on the blankets), and of course she LOVED the thunderstorm, slept right through it, and awoke to it raining at about 7am wanting to see what the next adventure was. Well, we got up, went home, and made breakfast. No sense in her learning the crappy side camping! All in all we had a blast, and I was as excited as she was. She loves doing everything I do, and I love showing her the world.
(part two) Today while at the "big" store, I was a lil annoyed. I was surprised to see so many rude shoppers, and drivers. It is not all that difficult to say "excuse me", "pardon me",or to wave on a pedestrian at the door crossing, or NOT to speed in the parking lot. What are these people thinking, so they think that if they go faster, they can get a closer spot. Lets forget all about the possibility of hitting a person or another car. As for the shoppers, for crying out loud, IT IS THE HOLIDAYS! Do we forget this when shopping for our loved ones, and do the present have no meaning then after all?
My point behind all this, is the example I am setting for peanut. When driving we wait until it is safe, when walking we wait until other slow down, in the store we take our time so we don't run into others, and we say "excuse me". The funniest thing happened the other day, some high school boys stopped suddenly in front of us to play with a demo video game. We had no way around, then out of no where my 21 month old shouted "sucse me!" I laughed, she laughed, and the boys gave me the death look to in which my child then proceeded to down wave them to move, and THEY DID! Now I am not saying you should teach your toddler to be sarcastic,(i didn't) just set a good example. She even says "please, and thank you". And she did tell the boys thank you as we passed. That moment will never be erased from my memory, it was one of the best yet!

Content on thinking I am making a small difference

So I have this secret....I want to help change the world. Laugh all you want, but I would like to think I can make a small difference, pay it forward. I think that leading by example, being humble, and getting involved can help fix this messed up world a little. I am so tired, and bored of complaining with it going no where. I recently wrote my state representative. Guess what? He replied, encouraged me to get involved, and AGREED with me on some of my concerns. You know what else, I emailed him again, and he emailed me back a 2nd time. He even offered to send me a schedule on local meetings. This could work, if I stay in contact with him, maybe things will start turning. Maybe if I get involved enough others will join. O' how i have longed for life to be better, and fairness to kick in. I think we are at a day and age to all agree, that if we drop the attitudes, put a smile on, be heard, help others, and actually have a freakin' care, then it might just work.

Pathetically out of shape....

I love winter, I love snow, and I love the views ( I could so go without it being 5 F). I finally went snowshoeing today. Actually, let me rephrase that, I am snowshoeing a month early! Yeah! Plus, I am pulling a shift as babysitter to the drunks, My board can get waxed, plus i should have extra cash for a lift ticket! I love this, winter is finally the way it was a long time ago. The best part about this year, peanut is old enough to enjoy it. So today I broke out the ol' shoes and headed out with ~E~! I am terribly out of shape. Just that lil ol' mile and a half walk wore us out, and caused a lil shortness of breath. So as luck would have it, we b****** about everything. Including diets. I have never been one to diet, EVER! I have always ate whenever, and whatever with out any problems before. Ahhhh, that was before peanut. Slowly each year it is getting harder to lose the weight. Now mind you I have never been "Skinny", but in shape yes. That walk kicked my bum....I could not wait for it to end. We were even going to cut across the trail, but decided it would be more work than what it was worth. So Jan. 1 we are doing it, getting in shape that is. Hum...I would stay posted, it could get entertaining. Planning to go snowshoeing tomorrow around the homestead with Lupus, and peanut in the sled....she loves that thing! O' ya, guess what, Dahlia just got home tonight too! She is so skinny, and calm. I have to take her to the vet this week now, just to make sure she is not prego...o' geez that would be interesting!

Let it snow let it snow let it snow

It has already snowed over 70 inches here in the Tip of the Mitt! I love it! However, there are pro's and con's to it.....Pro's...a)I can go snowboarding this weekend if I wanted b) I AM going snowshoeing tomorrow with my buddy ~E~ c)Peanut gets to learn to ski sooner now d) There is 70 inches of snow on teh ground, how freakin' cool! Now the Con's....a)I live in the BFE, and drive 20 miles to work everyday b)plowing funds were cut in the state, so only like 3 main roads get plowed, and not even all the way until 8am; they do not even plow back roads until storms are over now c)lake effect storms can last a week and bring up to 2 ft with them d)I live in the BFE e) My jeep will be in 4 wheel drive until april. So all in all I think it weighs out...I have been able to see what my jeep is made of, (The thing has a pair) and it is just fun to drive in a foot of snow. I just wish by the time I drive 10 miles to the main road, IT would be plowed all the way to town. No such luck, I have to keep driving in the foot of snow until i get to the high school, 7 miles from my road. I probably wouldn't be such a nervous reck if peanut were not in the jeep with me....but that is not the case. Anyway, still no luck with Dahlia, we'll see though you never know. Lupus is loving being the only pet, he has already been in the house a few times now. Even climbed on the couch :) lol

Hard to get into the spirit.....

This year it is extremly hard for me to get into the xmas spirit....with dahlia gone, and family members purchasing gifts for peanut without asking me. Dahlia never returned last night...and I really don't think she will. At 6 1/2 months old, being in heat, and not knowing her way home, I fear she is gone for good. Remember I live in the BFE! We have a few packs of coyotes around here, and bears. Yes, I know the bears are "hibernating" but there are always a few that lerk about in the winter. So we will see, fliers have been pasted out, and the shelter and vets called. Not much more we can do at this point except pray she returns home safely.
Next, my family is driving me insane. It has taken 28 years to get used to them, and it still urks me. See my busha (grandma in polish) spilled the beans on my cuz, who is also peanuts god mother. She bought her a kitchen set for xmas. Well so did mt. man and I. Problem, she doesn't know i know, and my kitchen is already on its way. So I called up the big chain store I "have" to shop at, and they said no problem on returning it after it arrives. Pretty much I have to go there when it comes in, "pick it up" then return it. I have no clue what to get her.(seeing as how certain people in my life tend to only buy things for your love...never taking the time to think about what you would enjoy) So this year, I have successfully stopped shopping in excess for people, and only am buying what I know they would like...for a resonable price. Not going "all out" like in years past, and having to worry about funds. It is much more relaxed, and I don't buy people useless things. So I thought! Now the one gift santa could have brought, is ruined. My almost 2 year old doesn't really need anything else, nothing of any use to her, and the kitchen is the only thing she plays with at her busha's. This has been a problem for awhile...not wanting to spoil her, but others doing so. I don't usually mind, I just think it would have been nice of her to ask me first. One that is a really expesive gift, and two why would she not think to ask. I have decided after xmas I will chat with the fam....hopefully get the point across! So many personal issues stem from this issue, I do not want her to go though those feelings. There is no point, and it only confuses kids. I guess that is why i didn't put up my tree this past weekend. Plus, with mt.man working two jobs right now, it just doesn't feel like xmas. So really the only thing motivating me right now is peanut...the tree and finishing will go up tomorrow, the house will be filled with the smells of cookies by this weekend, and we are going to do xmas cards this week too! Because darn it all, if santa can't bring her that one special gift this year, than i am going to do everything in my power to at least start our own traditions, ones that have meaning, ones she'll remember forever, ones she will hopfully carry on with her kid(s).

Thought it might happen...not for years though

This is Dahlia. She jumped her fence today, and went for a run.Big problem here..a) she is only a lil over 6months old b) she is in heat c)she doesn't quite know her way around yet d)it is like 0 F, and there is a windchill e) and lastly, she loves deer....o so many are out behind our house. Mt. man and I took turns looking for her..no luck! I even took her brother out to track her...no luck! 6 hours later, and no sign of her.

This sucks....I literally just wrote a blog on myspace about our missing bear dog, and finally having closure.

F***! Now Dahlia! Let me fill you in....Mt. man got Bear Dog about 11 years ago now. He was so small at 10 wks old, that Mt. man thought he looked like a teddy bear....so it stuck. When bear was about four mt.man and I started to date. We worked weird hours and, he lived in an old school house with 5 other people, and 3 other dogs. I was bored one sunny spring afternoon, and thought "heck, i should take bear fishing with me while mt.man is at work. Our bond started....sleeping on the bed, taking him for nuggets, hikes, and adventures. Then Peanut came along, and damped his parade a lil....we had to slow down for awhile. On new years 08 he went out for his own adventure, and never returned. I adored this dog so much, that I took 3 days off work, rented cross country ski's, all just to look for him. I found a "spot" in the snow, but nothing else. Mt. Man thinks that someone took him in b/c he was so cool, but he refuses to admit the spot could have been his.

Eventually I convinced him to get another dog, and he agreed. Just, we were all going to look for the perfect dog for us. As fate would have it on sunny late June morning, as i was yakking away in the cafeteria as i always do, as I made my coffee just sooooo.....I found myself agreeing to take not one but TWO labadores (chow lab mix) one brownish and female, one black and male. This all provided if I could convince my husband.

Hum....well, i managed too....Yeah! We brought Dahlia ( (f) tanish with blended black, and eye lined eyes, named b/c of color blending), and Lupus ( (m) black...blue eyes, named after the term for canine/wolf) home in July. Both unique, and full of energy (well on individual levels). See Dahlia has adhd for dogs, i swear. She jumps, only listens every blue moon, and likes to be in control. Lupus on the other hand is at the other end of the spectrum. He is laid back, well behaved, usually listens, and never jumps. So i am not really surprised that she jumped the fence today. I just wish she hadn't. I wish we would have built it higher like we planned. Fudge, the whole point of the fence this time around was so the dogs could NOT run off. I believe this makes me terrible pet owner. Maybe not...I have already made a lost pet post for in my area, and I plan to call the shelters, and neighbors tomorrow. Still, 2 dogs in about a year! Really! I have already googled "pet micro chip gps's"! Okay, so if you are in the area and see her, contact me via email please....

Just between you and me, I wasn't the one that responsible at the time. See with Bear; I was on call for my main job, and had to go in, after that I had to go to job #2 (babysitter to drunks). I had to close that night so I did not get home until 3 am. Mt. Man had Peanut duty that morning. Well, he let bear out, forgot about him, and two hours later remembered he was outside. We went to work thinking he would return....This time I WAS stuck babysitting drunk a**hole snowmobilers . Mt. Man put the dogs out in thier lil house. (Our attached, roofed greenhouse, with lawn mower garage type door to outside at the end with attach fence. This so the pups could go outside while we were at work, and to make potty training easier.) Well, the fence did not keep her in. only diff between the two events....there was snow with bear, but it was in the 20's or so for a few days, then it got cold; today it is a lot colder, it has been really cold, and it will be freakin' freezing for another week. My only hope is that some nice country neighbor took her in tonight, and I can get her tomorrow. O'geez, I hope she doesn't eat their furniture....wish me luck.....

We all start somewhere I guess

Being my first post, this might be a lil bland, so take it easy on me okay. :) To the point now......

Hello! I'm Nature Lovin' Super Mama...or just Super Mama. I earned this title from a good friend, and co-worker. She said "any women strong enough to work two jobs (both full time) with a newborn at home,

putting up with *stuff* (from those who remain nameless), and manages to keep her love for the outdoors; well earns a title like that." Only if she knew....prescribed pharmaceuticals where my best friend. That is how I keep it together. You can't tell me either that there is one person out there that could! The truth is I have about as much baggage as anyone...I just have seemed to find a way to laugh at it. Through all the ups and downs, I only had me to count on, learn from, and grow from. That has not stopped me from seeing the joy, or learning the lesson associated with it. I have learned recently that life is about the small things. The happiness of being selfish only gratifies us for the moment, but I will always smile at the image of Peanut with birthday cupcake all over her face. Isn't she cute?

So this is me...I would rather go fishing than to the mall, but can still enjoy a day out with my mother, and aunt. I would rather be camping on any beach to any large body of water with "my" family in the middle of no where, than crowded at some over priced resort. (but just to remain open minded...once or twice wouldn't hurt. you know with just the mt. man). I live in the BFE, mt. man's choice, and love it 95% of the time. It's just so far from town though(the other 5%)...o but the view! :) See my issue with this is, IT IS where we want to live the rest of our lives. It is the perfect lil fixer upper. It is on 2.5 acres, and close to all the things we love so much. The b*tch about the whole thing is we work in town...a cool 30 min drive on average.(In the summer I am practicing for the Indy 500, gotta love back country roads.) The perk about the drive is the scenery. It is so beautiful...I drive up the hill to town, and down to the valley to get home. Rolling hills everywhere. Majestic looking when snow covered. I even changed a few words to a well known Xmas song to entertain Peanut; over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house we go...we don't have a horse and a slay so we will have to take the jeep and go". That is the truth too....I am within 2 miles of 3 rivers, and 400,000 sq acres of state land. Elk walk down my road every summer, as if it were their personal highway, and deer graze in my Sahara yard. (I mow field grass for my lawn) The deer also graze my freakin' garden...I am lucky to get one dinners worth of veggies from it. I wouldn't trade it though....memories are being made, laughter, and creativity fill the air. I guess this is my heaven. It is just a lot harder than I thought.